How to appear environmentally woke

Also published on Wordpress.

*puts on a mask*

As the title suggests, you don’t have to actually care about the environment. But, appearing so can help your public image among the gullible morons.

And it is so goddamn easy to do. All you have to do is to embrace the so-called “green” products.

It is cool to love cars that do not run on gas. You know, hydrogen and electric cars, especially ones made the so-called Godsend genius whom humanity can live without, Elon Musk.

Of course, we can simply implement bike-oriented, transit-oriented, mixed-used, pedestrian-friendly urban developments which not only effectively prevent air and noise pollution, but also use way less raw materials… you know, the things which those bulky and unnecessarily computerised Teslas require lots of.

But, who cares about actual effectiveness? What matters is looking cool. Oh, and if you are a car-culture fanatic, you can cling on to your fetish of those resource-hungry monsters without damaging your reputation.

Hating plastic is also a good way to go. It is trendy to do it and to love the alternatives, even though it is also scientifically unsound.

While plastic waste is indeed destructive, its productions is actually way more environmentally friendly than the productions of those more “natural” alternatives, as they require more agricultural practices and therefore, more destruction of the natural environments. Not to mention that plastic ban targets specific products while ignoring the rest. The randomness makes the whole thing futile.

But, again, it is trendy to hate plastic. Who cares about whether something is actually green or not? In fact, not only hating plastic makes you look cool, it can also disguise your hatred of disabled people.

People don’t realise how dependent many disabled people are on plastic straws. Some say they should be replaced with metal and paper straws, despite the fact that metal is great heat conductor and paper — no matter how thick it is — can get soggy. It sounds like you cannot use plastic ban to hide your ableism.

Actually, you can. For some reasons, when talking about straws, many people forget how hot metal can be and how soggy paper can be. Consequentially, despite their legitimate concerns, the protesting disabled people are dismissed as spoiled brats.

So yes, you can definitely use plastic ban to satisfy your hatred of cripples.

If I dig deeper, I am sure we can find more ways to use environmental wokeness for our selfish interests. But, those two are definitely the most popular ones.

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Hi. I am a stammering dunce. My Wordpress blog: https://dachmad.wordpress.com/